you wanna kill it?

thursday the 16th
6:30 p.m. : isha, me, jayme, amber, kenny, keith & david all gathered outside david's house. i had a beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. within 20 minutes i'm 3 beers in on an empty stomach and i'm ready to take off for L.A. already. i let out a loud complacent burp, and the night started!
by the time we got to L.A. the second car (being driven by the direction genius Isha), had already gotten lost twice, and was an hour behind us. so of course i continued my drinking frenzie, because what else am i supposed to do the day after my 20th birthday? GET CRUNK! nearly an hour later jayme, isha, and amber finally arrived at the club, and a brilliant idea ocurred to me and jayme. we would continue to drink and smoke out on the sidewalk! looking back now, i realize how un-brilliant that idea was... but it didn't seem like it at the time.
of course, within 7 minutes of this two cops rolled up on bikes, and commenced to question the smell of weed! we acted oh so innocent, and got away with it, even after they searched the entire area with flashlights, looking for the rest of the blunt that we had chucked. that would have been the end of it, and we all would have walked away with a good laugh, except for the beer bottle that i had so smartly forgotten to put down. yes, thats right! even after jayme said "cops!", i didn't put the bottle down. ooh, how insperable i am from my alcohol, you can see! so we didn't walk away citation free. instead, i walked away with a citation for an open container, BUT not before the cop asked me if i wanted to kill it! are you kidding me?! no, he was not! so i did! and with that done, we STILL walked away laughing. *sigh* oooooh, good times!
it wasn't till 4:45 in the morning that we were driving into oceanside, off the 5. it was chilly and dark along the coast, with the stars all out and shining, and the sunroof open overhead. we pulled over at the rest stop, because david needed a cigarette, before he could finish the drive. as i sat there, looking out the sunroof, staring at the stars, a deep sense of sadness fell over me, after a long day of happiness. it isn't often that i get that feeling anymore, having learned to cope with my deamons more and more every day. but as i stared at the stars, i felt so small, almost non-existent. it made me feel empty... yet it filled me with a sense of awe. however, mixed in with this sadness i realize my problems are nothing. i'll be just fine. whatever bothers me inside at this moment, will desist. it is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

some days are harder than others, and some weeks are better than others.
it seems that this week is going to be one of the hard ones...

this birthday sucked... for the most part. :(

-kg